When you imagine a schoolyard bully, what image comes to mind? A big, burly mass of mindless cruelty? How about a cherub-faced 10 year-old Canadian boy by the name of Matthew Perry? That’s right, Chandler Bing’s alter ego reportedly beat up fellow fifth grader and current Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, when the two were enrolled in the same elementary school.
After hearing of Perry’s confession on a recent episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live, Trudeau stepped up and challenged his childhood nemesis to a rematch. The fact that he made the challenge on Saturday, April Fools Day, could imply that the previously pummeled Prime Minister might be intending to pull the “Ha-Ha-I-Was-Just-Kidding” card in the event that Perry agrees to again throw blows.
But what message would Trudeau be sending the fine citizens of Canada if he did, in fact, back down from this abusive aggressor from his youth? If he is not willing to fight for himself, will he be willing to fight for his own people? As Jeff Lebowski famously proclaimed, and as Justin Trudeau should too, “This aggression will not stand, man!”
Prime Minister Trudeau, in the name of your honor, for your country’s dignity, to right the wrong that has been mercilessly inflicted upon you by Matthew Perry and his inner childhood Chandler Bing, raise those handsome, manly fists high and give that schoolyard scallywag his long-delayed but much-deserved payback.
As for the rest of us, we must remain grateful for the fact that Perry’s furious little fists didn’t disfigure Trudeau’s lovely visage, and that the beatdown didn’t dent his self esteem enough to deter him from pursuing greatness. The moral of the story is, you can’t keep a good man down. Not even if you have the wild and wicked blood of a young Matthew Perry coursing through your veins.